CLEARRLY Recovering - Blog #11

Relationships are funny things, and there’s no funnier thing than dating. I was terrible at dating. In fact, I hold a Guinness Book of World Records (unofficially) for first dates. Since I was usually mired in addiction, had no self-esteem, and was in complete desperation, the start of a relationship was ridiculously unlikely. 

The asking out for the date was the most difficult part for me, mostly because it involved rejection, but partly because I’m just not very bright. Rejections are the only thing in my dating history that outnumbers first dates. It was like I couldn’t see the rejection coming. Oh, I knew it was going to be there, but I had this tremendous sense of self-preservation that gave me a glorious, delusional outlook. Now, couple that with full-blown addiction, and it’s a recipe for some snappy banter. 

Me: You seem like a very nice and mildly attractive human. You look like you’re made out of person stuff. I think we should get together and go bowling, grab some Arby’s, and see where this crazy life takes us together.

Potential date: This is inappropriate. I’m working right now, and you have clearly been drinking.

Me: I beg your pardon, I have only drunk one time, from 1985 until just now, when I parked my Datsun.

Potential dating casualty: That’s another issue, you can’t park your car there. And you were not supposed to get out. You were supposed to hand me the money for the turnpike and continue on your road. You’re not supposed to be in my booth.

Me: Listen to us, already bickering like an old married couple. I knew you felt the connection, too, when you reached out your hand to me. And might I say, safety orange is your color. This could be one of those great stories that we tell our children! 

Less than likely dating option: I’m going to need you to get into your car now…wait, are you crying? Why are you crying?

Me: I’m thinking how disappointed our children are going to be when they hear our story, about how cold their mother was to their hero of a father. How hurt they will be when they think they may not have even been in existence because of a frigid, callous, booth-monster of a mother. Are you holding a taser?

Potential hostage: Yes

Me: Is that a cultural thing? Is that how people who come from tiny booths say,  “You’re my soulmate?”

The Plaintiff: Bbzzzzppppp!!

That is one of literally hundreds of examples.  

Of course, I have mentioned in earlier blogs that I am married to a ridiculously beautiful woman. And I do have two ridiculously beautiful daughters. How and when those unlikely successes came are for a different blog. Suffice it to say that they are all the definition of grace. 

Relationships and connections cannot be forced. The wonderful news is, they don’t need to be! We really are all made out of person stuff. God sources materials from the same spiritual warehouses. We are all made in his image, and we all have a connection. We are all drawn to one another through our similarities. The rejection factor comes from the worst part of our humanity: fear. 

We fear the unknown. We fear change. We fear rejection itself. 

1 John 4:18

“Where God's love is, there is no fear, because God's perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears.”

In recovery, there is little room for fear of new healthy relationships. Regardless of someone else’s background, drug of choice, or social status, our connection lies in our unity of purpose. We are all striving to be in recovery. Whether you are the person in an addiction, the loved one, or the person who loves the loved one, we all need relationships. The perfect model is Christ’s love for us.

Spend time today working on the relationships. Reach out to a loved one, a sponsor, or just another person with healthy habits. 

And remember,  I can affect my today, I can allow God to mold my tomorrow, but even Jesus doesn’t change the past.